Well, here is the question most people wonder about but never ask… How did you get that baby anyway? I loved my baby’s father. He loved me. I do think we were destined to have children together. I saw his face clearly in a dream well before I was pregnant. I later recognized that he was the One. Sometimes the person you have children by is not the one you love or who is destined to parent with you or to be in your life in other ways or forever.
But for sure I can say that how you love and if you love the baby’s father has so much to do with how you love your baby and how you are able or willing to nurse his child. Think about it! When you look into your baby’s eyes… who do you see, how do you feel?
The experience of nursing your baby is an extension of the love that grew from how that baby was placed in your heart, mind, body and spirit. Or maybe that was not how it began, it was not so good, not so deliberate, or conscious… just something that happened or shouldn’t have happened. You may not even be able to remember. But it is your decision now to love and be close to your baby. You are feeding and growing the love when you nurse your baby.
When the father of the baby looks at you, what do you think he sees? If the gender of your partner is the same as yours, it matters not… Is there jealousy, resentment, protection, awe, anxiety, or just more love, and more love finding a way to nurture and express itself?
You both are not interchangeable parts. This is a chance to complement one another in ways that don’t always feel comfortable to you. You divide and conquer and honor one another and return to each other stronger, wiser, with a lot of trial, error and frustration along the way. You learn forgiveness, and most of all compassion for yourself and others.
Please tell us your story. Did you love your baby’s father? Did you feel loved without measure or condition? Was the love different after the baby came? How did the love grow in that first year? I don’t live with my children’s father now. He was not to be my life partner for what proves to be a very long life time. I still love him, I still remember the love that conceived those two children, we both still love them today. He still loves me for the way I was willing and able to love his children. We named our children for rocks and rivers, seeds planted in what we hoped was fertile soil and that love will grow. All pregnancies are planned and unintended. We had awfully good intentions.